Satsansakwaprawart is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, loving bear.

Satsansakwaprawart created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Satsansakwaprawart, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Satsansakwaprawart, she will turn you into a plant.

Satsansakwaprawart's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Satsansakwaprawart's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight titanium sculptures of Satsansakwaprawart on top of important buildings.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Put Satsansakwaprawart first in all things.