Homvonkspag is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-knowing lobster.

Homvonkspag created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Homvonkspag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Homvonkspag, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Homvonkspag's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Homvonkspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Run away if five bats approach from the south.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.