Flatflapbell is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, prudent walrus.

Flatflapbell created the Andromeda Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatflapbell, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flatflapbell, it will turn you into a snail.

Flatflapbell's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Flatflapbell's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. You must pray to Flatflapbell eight times a day.

5. Never eat green fruit.