Futwitwap is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, cheerful snake.

Futwitwap created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futwitwap, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Futwitwap, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Futwitwap's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Futwitwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never sing in holy places.

4. Never wear brown shirts.

5. Feed all hungry swans.