Xembomwap is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, selfish slug.

Xembomwap created energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xembomwap, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xembomwap, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Xembomwap's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Xembomwap's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three sheep approach from the west.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Xembomwap loves goats, so they must be honoured.