Zogspagpit is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, merciless crab.

Zogspagpit created humankind eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogspagpit, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zogspagpit, it will manifest in front of you.

Zogspagpit's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Zogspagpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Hide if three mice approach from the east.