Lidguntun is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, witty cow.

Lidguntun created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lidguntun, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lidguntun, he will turn you into a frog.

Lidguntun's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Lidguntun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never eat coconuts.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not cook food in pots.