Omtkemfob is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, intelligent fish.

Omtkemfob created time and space nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtkemfob, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Omtkemfob, it will turn you into a hamster.

Omtkemfob's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Omtkemfob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Put Omtkemfob first in all things.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not eat pineapples.

5. Never eat green fruit.