Fumquaftab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unfair hamster.

Fumquaftab created the Virgo Supercluster four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumquaftab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fumquaftab, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Fumquaftab's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fumquaftab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fumquaftab.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Run away from black dogs, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Fumquaftab loves bats, so they must be honoured.