Jopponhat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, impressive gnu.

Jopponhat created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopponhat, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jopponhat, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Jopponhat's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Jopponhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near ducks.

2. Retreat if three nematodes approach from the east.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never eat corn.