Tifzanlik is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, compassionate shrew.

Tifzanlik created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifzanlik, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tifzanlik, he will cry a lot.

Tifzanlik's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tifzanlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Never feed nuts to porpoises while wearing magenta hats.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Never sit near sharks.