Latomtgamstikbast is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, charitable lobster.

Latomtgamstikbast created snails six million years ago.

If you believe in Latomtgamstikbast, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Latomtgamstikbast, he will ignore you.

Latomtgamstikbast's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Latomtgamstikbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

4. Never feed cherries to eagles while wearing turquoise dresses.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Latomtgamstikbast.