Tonk is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, clever troll.

Tonk created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonk, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonk, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tonk's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mice.

2. Never wear kilts.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonk.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never feed turnips to bats while wearing mauve boots.