Gonkab is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, caring newt.

Gonkab created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonkab, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gonkab, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gonkab's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Gonkab's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.