Bisstigfab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, fast tortoise.

Bisstigfab created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Bisstigfab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bisstigfab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bisstigfab's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Bisstigfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. You must never eat bread.

5. Bisstigfab loves voles, so they must be respected.