Metflistik is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, dishonourable mouse.

Metflistik created the Sombrero Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metflistik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Metflistik, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Metflistik's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Metflistik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured badgers.

2. Never wear black corsets.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide from orange cats for they are unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.