Vanjathadcen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, omnipotent elephant.

Vanjathadcen created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Vanjathadcen, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vanjathadcen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vanjathadcen's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Vanjathadcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snails in need.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.