Nanquamleg is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, moody jaguar.

Nanquamleg created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nanquamleg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nanquamleg, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Nanquamleg's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Nanquamleg's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Run away from turquoise porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never eat bark.