Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, tiresome grasshopper.

Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bafgomcettarp Tabvinkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peas.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed carrots to aardvarks while wearing cyan stockings.

5. Never talk about tortoises.