Flapzimtip is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, wise cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Flapzimtip created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapzimtip, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flapzimtip, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Flapzimtip's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Flapzimtip's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Always obey Flapzimtip's priests.

3. Never talk about mice.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Do not kill bats.