Lophatkam Canbassfab is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, cheerful bat.

Lophatkam Canbassfab created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lophatkam Canbassfab, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lophatkam Canbassfab, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lophatkam Canbassfab's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Lophatkam Canbassfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not kill gulls.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never bounce near frogs.