Ortsug is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, selfish gerbil.

Ortsug created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortsug, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ortsug, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ortsug's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Ortsug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.