Vogganlan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy mole.

Vogganlan created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Vogganlan, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vogganlan, it will turn you into a sheep.

Vogganlan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vogganlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

4. Always help nematodes.

5. Never look in ponds.