Wodnartcat is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless gorilla.

Wodnartcat created an electron nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wodnartcat, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wodnartcat, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Wodnartcat's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Wodnartcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Erect four silicon sculptures of Wodnartcat on top of important buildings.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

4. Always look after injured rats.

5. Run away from magenta porpoises, for they are unholy.