Cimcinab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, intelligent guinea pig.

Cimcinab created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cimcinab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cimcinab, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Cimcinab's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Cimcinab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white otters, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.