Mutvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, loving bear.

Mutvonk created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Mutvonk, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mutvonk, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Mutvonk's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Mutvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve moths for they are unholy.

2. Always help gulls.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.