Gupflisbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, wise whale.

Gupflisbaf created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gupflisbaf, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gupflisbaf, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gupflisbaf's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Gupflisbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Gupflisbaf must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never paint your back black.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never eat bark.