Waptitquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, kind coyote.

Waptitquaf created humankind four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Waptitquaf, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Waptitquaf, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Waptitquaf's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Waptitquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Run away from blue turtles, for they are unholy.

5. Do not commit murder.