Listmonmif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, omniscient cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Listmonmif created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Listmonmif, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Listmonmif, he will turn you into a puffin.

Listmonmif's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Listmonmif's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate pigs.

4. Never sit near cats.

5. Never feed parsnips to birds while wearing black shorts.