Begfumgeb is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, resourceful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Begfumgeb created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Begfumgeb, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Begfumgeb, he will turn you into a puffin.

Begfumgeb's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Begfumgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta capybaras for they are unholy.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Hide if six eagles approach from the east.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never hurt whales.