Tenjarnren is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, awesome squid.

Tenjarnren created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tenjarnren, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tenjarnren, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tenjarnren's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tenjarnren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair blue.

2. Hide if nine great tits approach from the east.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Do not cook food in pots.