Hontargrut is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, deceitful hummingbird.

Hontargrut created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hontargrut, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hontargrut, he will turn you into a goat.

Hontargrut's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hontargrut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.