Gepkarfig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, tranquil alligator.

Gepkarfig created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepkarfig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gepkarfig, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Gepkarfig's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Gepkarfig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lentils.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Put Gepkarfig first in all things.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.