Zemflamfen is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, effective newt.

Zemflamfen created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zemflamfen, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zemflamfen, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Zemflamfen's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Zemflamfen's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Always look after injured doves.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.