Tarppopkopflab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, able mole.

Tarppopkopflab created the Sunflower Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarppopkopflab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarppopkopflab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tarppopkopflab's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Tarppopkopflab's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never paint your feet magenta.