Tinveenwip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, pitiless pig.

Tinveenwip created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinveenwip, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tinveenwip, he will throw large rocks at you.

Tinveenwip's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tinveenwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Run away from pink gulls, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.