Quamgambog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, merciful clam.

Quamgambog created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamgambog, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quamgambog, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quamgambog's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Quamgambog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Run away if six snails approach from the north.

4. Hide if five monkeys approach from the south.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.