Weemonvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, selfish spider.

Weemonvonk created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Weemonvonk, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Weemonvonk, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Weemonvonk's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Weemonvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not hurt dogs.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never write about planets.