Fonfetzin is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, intelligent lizard.

Fonfetzin created the Whirlpool Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonfetzin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fonfetzin, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fonfetzin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Fonfetzin's Holy Commandments

1. Put Fonfetzin first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Fonfetzin must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always take life seriously.