Litmumwik is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, impressive dolphin.

Litmumwik created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litmumwik, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Litmumwik, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Litmumwik's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Litmumwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always help sick aardvarks.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always help whales.

5. Do not covet oxen.