Biftettisid is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, blissful monkey.

Biftettisid created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Biftettisid, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Biftettisid, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Biftettisid's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Biftettisid's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight tortoises approach from the south.

2. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.