Metvincam is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, effective mink.

Metvincam created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Metvincam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metvincam, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Metvincam's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Metvincam's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must pray to Metvincam eight times a day.

3. Put Metvincam first in all things.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.