Hammipcet is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unthoughtful clam.

Hammipcet created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hammipcet, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hammipcet, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hammipcet's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hammipcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt monkeys.

2. Hide if five aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Run away if four capybaras approach from the south.