Zakwitpad is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented pigeon.

Zakwitpad created a top quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakwitpad, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zakwitpad, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Zakwitpad's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zakwitpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not speak about pineapples.

5. Put Zakwitpad first in all things.