Bintarlab is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, benevolent lion.

Bintarlab created an electron three million years ago.

If you believe in Bintarlab, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bintarlab, he will turn you into a snail.

Bintarlab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bintarlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Bintarlab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.