Zakbafkap is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omniscient guinea pig.

Zakbafkap created parasitic wasps two million years ago.

If you believe in Zakbafkap, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zakbafkap, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zakbafkap's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Zakbafkap's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Hide from orange rats for they are unholy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Zakbafkap loves snakes, so they must be honoured.