Hogjatzag Budtettilit is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, kind wolf.

Hogjatzag Budtettilit created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Hogjatzag Budtettilit, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hogjatzag Budtettilit, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Hogjatzag Budtettilit's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hogjatzag Budtettilit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Hogjatzag Budtettilit.

3. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.