Vanxuckhap is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, blissful walrus.

Vanxuckhap created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanxuckhap, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vanxuckhap, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Vanxuckhap's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Vanxuckhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near foxes.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never talk about monkeys.