Taphonbinstaf is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, egotistical finch.

Taphonbinstaf created water three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taphonbinstaf, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Taphonbinstaf, he will strike you with lightening.

Taphonbinstaf's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Taphonbinstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Taphonbinstaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Taphonbinstaf.