Gadbonnig Metvancep is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish mink.

Gadbonnig Metvancep created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadbonnig Metvancep, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gadbonnig Metvancep, he will cry a lot.

Gadbonnig Metvancep's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Gadbonnig Metvancep's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Worship no other gods but Gadbonnig Metvancep.

4. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not hurt eagles.